Do you ever feel like you are in a shark cage, feeling nervous -- hoping it doesn't show -- when you notice that it's not really a cage at all, merely a funnel of pipes guiding the shark directly for your head?
Sometimes I look around me at all the competent people I work with, all of them knowing what to do, when to do it, and me sitting there in awe wondering why they let me play the game with them.
Sometimes I look around me at all the competent people I work with, all of them knowing what to do, when to do it, and me sitting there in awe wondering why they let me play the game with them.
I think I remember being a confident -- competent -- nurse. I'm just not sure how to feel that way again. My self-confidence is in a shark cage right now. Great Whites are swooping at me each night, and I keep ducking down, praying I can remember what to do, when to do it. So far, so good. I think.
My friends keep saying it will come back. When? When do I start to feel right about myself again? How long will it take before the cage starts taking the shape of a cage instead of a funnel? It just feels like I am pretending to be a nurse. Like I have people fooled -- patients fooled into thinking I actually know what I am doing, when inside there is a scared little girl ducking from the sharks, and praying none of them will notice me.
No comments:
Post a Comment